Of Donkeys and Elephants

Four years ago sitting in the computer lab in college, I still remember how we were desperately hoping John Kerry would pull through and send Mr Bush back to Texas. Unfortunately that did not happen and the world was subject to four more years of Dubya Bush. As Michael Moore rightly pointed out after the defeat in 2004, the only positive that came out of the election was that it would be just four more years of Bush, no more.

But in that election campaign, in the midst of all the sloganeering on a donkey’s back (the Democratic Party’s symbol), there was this young African American chap from Illinois who gave a stirring speech at the Democratic National Convention. There were two lines in that half hour long talk that suddenly waltzed him into everyone’s living room and people started wondering who he was, the man with a Kenyan father and a Hawaiian mother. Incredibly simple yet incredibly powerful-:

'We should not divide ourselves into red states and blue states because we represent the United States of America'



When a man with incredible oratory skills delivers such a line, the world is bound to take notice. Four years later, he has been crowned(?) the President of the U.S.A., a nation state, whose leaders have more often than not caused a lot of heartburn to the rest of the world. While his being elected into the Oval office signals a remarkable wave of change, I only hope that his foreign policies will signal the dawn of a new era.

For too long, men and women in the corridors of power have failed to understand the importance of being a superpower and have successfully ensured that America has been antagonized and used as a rallying point by the fundamentalists to spread their vicious gospel. One can only hope, the 44th President of the oldest democracy in the world brings about real change. For a nation so powerful must learn to lead and facilitate peaceful coexistence.

So, as America goes to sleep with the words ‘Change’ on their lips, I go back four years to use the line that used to fill the air in Democratic rallies with nothing but unabashed (perhaps unsubstantiated) optimism-:

‘Hope is on the way’

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Dear Sarah Palin,

Having seen a Russian mountain from the backyard of your Alaska home does not count as foreign policy experience. Please get hold of a visa and travel the world.


Dear Asif Ali Zardari,

I am sorry to inform you that your attempt at trying to floor Sarah Palin with your Cassanovaesque lines will yield no political benefits.


Dear George Bush,

Thank god for small mercies in life.


Dear Katrina Kaif,

You have the hottest nose that I have ever seen on a woman

Image Courtesy: www.coxandforkum.com

Is Mr Genie listening ?

I have always looked at people working at certain places and wondered how it would be to get their job for a day. It's one of those wish for a day things and I suspect it would give you a better perspective of life. No, forget that line, its just for cheap thrills for me, nothing else.

Here is my list of 5 jobs that I would like to have for a day-:

Toll Bridge Attendant: Each day, I cross the same point twice and see the hassled look on the attendant's face making me really want to sit in that booth and try and see how difficult it would be to wear a smile all day. Also, at least once I want to take a 5oo buck note from someone's hand and check it in front of their face to make them realise how terrible it feels.

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Auto Driver: Is there a better vehicle in this world that you could drive through all months of the year, except maybe those dirty months of May and June? Of course it won't hurt to drop two beautiful (make that hot) young women to their destination. Sh*t, I think I've jinxed it.. I would probably get to drive around a fat overweight obnoxious man from one end of the city to another all day :(

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Steam Engine Driver: At least once if I ever get a chance, I want to be at the head of a train with a steam engine on a longish journey, maybe Delhi to Bombay. Wait, maybe from Bangladesh to Peshawar on a track parallel to the Old Grand Trunk Road

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Sandalwood Smuggler: That's just a secret fetish. Shhh, you cannot tell anyone about that! I wonder what it would be like, living in the middle of the jungle, far away from Modern Civilisation, running your own little fiefdom while trying to evade the law enforcing authorities..Srirappan, maybe?


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Traffic Policeman: That is something I have always wanted to do, stand at one of the crossings and try and manage the traffic. They are after all the modern day shepherds !

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I can probably think of many more but off the top of my head this would be my list of five jobs that I would like to have for a day. Is Make-a-wish foundation listening?

GreeTings

To the three of you-:

May the lights, luck and fun make this Diwali special in more ways than one

May the happiness that this season brings, brighten your life

Hope the year brings you luck and fulfills all your dearest dreams

Wish you a very happy,prosperous and a cracking Diwali (sans the crackers)

Eve Rulz

It's about time I formulated my fictional rulebook for women. Thou shalt follow these commandments or be prepared to lose her to the serpent. NEVER hold me to ransom if I fail to live up to these rules.


Eve-Rules!

• One must never keep a woman waiting

• One must never insult a woman

• One must never curse a woman
  

• One must never curse in front of a woman

• One must never insist on Pizza in front of a woman (but you can have it nonethless)

• One must always let a woman pass through

• One must always open the door for a woman

• One must never expect a woman to compliment your singing (but that must not deter you)

• One must never ignore a woman

• One must always give a woman an indirect compliment

I think I have covered all the bases, I think. If there are useful inputs, I might consider adding it to the list. Since I know not one of the three of you is going to give me a pat on the back for the title, I shall do it myself! Ha.


Image Courtesy: Dave Thomas Collection

I know Alice, but who's Gary Lawyer?

There is something about Boardroom meetings that I find really fascinating. For one it breaks your love affair with the computer and changes the dynamics of what you are supposed to do at work. Too many boardroom meetings can also mean your work is taking a beating and time to fly the white flag.

Anyway this was my first boardroom meeting; I say first because everyone was sitting around an oval table giving the setting a fairly intimidating look. At these places you have got to talk to create an impact and more importantly listen to prevent yourself from being fired.

I was pretty cowed down for the first 10 odd minutes, carefully weighing my words and listening intently just so that I did not miss out on something. but as the meeting went on, I started to relax, the shirt sleeve started finding its way up to the elbow and I was playing the part.

There came a point when the performer for a night show was being talked about(Gary Lawyer) and I chose to express my ignorance in the public domain by asking out loud "Excuse moi, who IS Gary Lawyer". Silence all around, me boss looked at me, almost as if sizing up his opponent(who in this case happened to be the prey) and very calmly said "He is a footballer".

Ah, Sarcasm! I guess you get what you give but I loved the answer, not because I was the least bit enlightened but it is the kind of humour that suddenly makes you grin from ear to ear. Thankfully, he followed up that repartee with a fairly detailed explanation on how culturally ignorant I was, not to know one of India's finest exponent of Western Music.

I am not the least bit ashamed about Googlin' my ignorance and this is what I found about him-:

Probably the only English singer in India, Gary Lawyer owns the entire music industry as his pleasing baritone reverberates on it’s own. Often called the man with the 'Golden Voice', he is regarded as the finest Indian artiste in the field of Western Popular Music

Ignorance definitely wasn't bliss in this case

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As the meeting went on, I became bold enough to start messaging in the middle of the meeting which was preceded by checking the score on cricinfo which BTW said 'INDIA Won'. Not the best thing to do but I am afraid, I don't care how important the meeting is, Cricket is just a tad bit more important. And I had to message coz some ignorant people(:P) needed to be told how important this win was !

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The best line I heard(whilst eavesdropping on someone's phone conversation)-:

In America when you earn $10,000, you first learn how to spend $100,000

What a line! Puts the entire bank crisis in perspective( or so I am told)

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Word of the day: Gobsmacked

Was used for me and I am still trying to figure out whether that was meant as a compliment or not!

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Come to think of it, now I know who Gary Lawyer is, but who is Alice ? Smokie is yet to give us a satisfying answer to that question. Who can blame them, with a name like that for their band, I doubt if they would be able to give us a satisfying answer to any question!

Morning Blues and Tie'd to death

Q:What happens when you get up late ?
A:You reach office early.


This is the 86th time it has happened to me. I get up all flustered thinking that I am very late and in the bout of urgency that follows, I end up reaching my destination well ahead of time and that is something I really like :0. It's like the anti-Murphy law-:

"When I am in a rush, the universe conspires to get me to my destination well before time to leave me fidgety and bored"

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Yesterday because of the absence of qualified personnel, I had to accompany someone for a business presentation. I was quickly given a standby tie( very efficient people) and was off. So, sporting a tie, neatly creased trouser, ironed shirt and a semi tonsured head(which still feels like a Persian Rug) it felt like I was transported back to me school days. Apparently that also qualifies for a half decent business presentation look so no one was complaining.

It was around this time each year that the winter gear in school kicked in and out came that tie. Unfortunately I was so darned organised that I never undid the tie knot through the four years that I had to wear it. While it saves time, it also means that I would feel like a fish out of water when given a tie in hand. But again, the tie I was given yesterday had the knot in place, all I had to do was tighten the noose and the lamb was ready for slaughter.

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For those who care and those who don't, click on the link to read my Indian Open story, published exclusively for all three of you who read my blog. Two of you might not want to do it because it is about Golf and the third one, if you are trying to be nice and reading it then let me warn ya, if you are one who frowns over the misuse of the English language, then you are advised to give it a pass.

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Would you exchange a walk-on part in a war for a lead role in a cage ?

Answer the Question

The last few days have been weird. weird good but weird.


Anyway, here is a message I got recently which asked me a question. I really would like to know what you think about it-:

The best of things fall apart, so labour not to make it last.
Instead happiness is in being happy now !


Hmm...I know my opinion about the above but would really like to know your views.