It happened for the first time in Bombay as the Hawaldar next to Gateway of India took the 20 Rupee note and walked away. I squirmed, felt uneasy and remained silent for the rest of the night. My sister narrated to the others in the car how I would start crying just at the thought of someone bribing a policeman. Maybe that was how I was when I was a kid. Maybe I had not grown out of it.
That was 3 years back. Today we had gone to India Gate to play with the fancy 10 buck frisbee while the Sun God chose to express all his warmth on an unusually hot day. After having had a good time, free of any inhibitions and terrible renditions of some song in 'Rock On' , we were on our way back and I jumped the red light. Then came the man in the dreaded Khaki outfit and asked me to park the car on the side.
With 5 others in the car, the haggling process started, he stated the laws, painted the facts, said everything possible to deter you from going to the court and asked us to furnish 400 Rupees. We started at 100, he squabbled a little more and finally we struck a deal at 200. The money exchanged hands and we drove on.
While I sit in the comfort of my house and write this piece, there is a sinking feeling that has engulfed me. There seems to be this great sense of loss that I cannot describe and I can assure you it is more than just the 200 Rupees debited from my Bank Account. It is as if I have started to compromise with my belief system. Today I let go of something that I cherished and held close to my heart, I don't know what it could be tomorrow. I was told "Such 'minor' acts can be condoned as long as you are honest to your conscience and do not commit an act that would hurt or harm someone else". All this is nothing but a compromise that you are making with your own way of thinking and the only thing that I can think about asking myself is Compromise at what cost?
It's frustrating, irritating and a lot of other such feelings that I am unable to express. There is a small token that my school gave me before I left, which is my most cherished possession. Today, I feel like throwing it out of the window because I have let down the faith entrusted in me by my friends and teachers. There are still many things I hold close to my heart but just like this I don't know how many other things I will let go of; These are the little acts of compromise that one makes to be seen as normal in civil society.
I just hope the traffic cops on duty can weigh heavy on us and tell us that there is no scope for discussion, the law of the land is supreme and no point in exploring 'other' options. We cannot get into the cycle of blaming everyone and everything in the system because it is a vicious circle. I failed the test of character, I can only hope that I can muster up enough strength the next time around to do the right thing.
What I know for a fact is that the next time I speak about corruption, I cannot get myself to make a convincing argument because I have not been able to practice what I have tried to preach. The sad part is, after a good night's sleep I will wake up without a feeling of loss. After all, I have 'Grown Up'.
That was 3 years back. Today we had gone to India Gate to play with the fancy 10 buck frisbee while the Sun God chose to express all his warmth on an unusually hot day. After having had a good time, free of any inhibitions and terrible renditions of some song in 'Rock On' , we were on our way back and I jumped the red light. Then came the man in the dreaded Khaki outfit and asked me to park the car on the side.
With 5 others in the car, the haggling process started, he stated the laws, painted the facts, said everything possible to deter you from going to the court and asked us to furnish 400 Rupees. We started at 100, he squabbled a little more and finally we struck a deal at 200. The money exchanged hands and we drove on.
While I sit in the comfort of my house and write this piece, there is a sinking feeling that has engulfed me. There seems to be this great sense of loss that I cannot describe and I can assure you it is more than just the 200 Rupees debited from my Bank Account. It is as if I have started to compromise with my belief system. Today I let go of something that I cherished and held close to my heart, I don't know what it could be tomorrow. I was told "Such 'minor' acts can be condoned as long as you are honest to your conscience and do not commit an act that would hurt or harm someone else". All this is nothing but a compromise that you are making with your own way of thinking and the only thing that I can think about asking myself is Compromise at what cost?
It's frustrating, irritating and a lot of other such feelings that I am unable to express. There is a small token that my school gave me before I left, which is my most cherished possession. Today, I feel like throwing it out of the window because I have let down the faith entrusted in me by my friends and teachers. There are still many things I hold close to my heart but just like this I don't know how many other things I will let go of; These are the little acts of compromise that one makes to be seen as normal in civil society.I just hope the traffic cops on duty can weigh heavy on us and tell us that there is no scope for discussion, the law of the land is supreme and no point in exploring 'other' options. We cannot get into the cycle of blaming everyone and everything in the system because it is a vicious circle. I failed the test of character, I can only hope that I can muster up enough strength the next time around to do the right thing.
What I know for a fact is that the next time I speak about corruption, I cannot get myself to make a convincing argument because I have not been able to practice what I have tried to preach. The sad part is, after a good night's sleep I will wake up without a feeling of loss. After all, I have 'Grown Up'.
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1 comment:
Hey. Nice post. Well written and very true, except that you shouldn't have jumped the red light in the first place.:P
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